“举案齐眉” (“Jǔ àn Qí Méi”): Courtesy between Couples
Definition: “Ju An Qi Mei” denotes “holding the tray up to the level with the brows when the wife serves a meal to her husband.” It is used to describe husband and wife treating each other with politeness and respect.
Historical figures: Liang Hong and his wife Meng Guang in the Eastern Han Dynasty
Origin: As recorded in “Biography of Liang Hong” in Hou Han Shu (The Book of Later Han), “The couple then went to Wu (the Wu Commandery) and took refuge with a wealthy and influential local man named Gao Botong. While living under Gao’s roof, Liang Hong worked as a hired grain-pounder. Every time he returned home, his wife would have his meal ready. She dared not look up directly at him in his presence, so she would respectfully raise the tray with his food to the level of her eyebrows.”
Of the classical anecdotes depicting romantic love among couples in the ancient times, perhaps none can surpass the couple known for their story of “holding the tray up to the level with the eyebrows when the meal was served.” This celebrated account involves Liang Hong, a reclusive poet of the Eastern Han Dynasty, and his wife Meng Guang. The couple resided in Suzhou, where their harmonious marital life was greatly admired by the local community. To this day, their legendary marriage, passed down through generations, remains a touching and enduring tale.
Liang Hong: an unaccomplished youth
Liang Hong, whose courtesy name was Boluan, was a native of Pingling in Fufeng (present-day Xianyang, Shaanxi Province). According to “Biography of Liang Hong” in Hou Han Shu (The Book of the Later Han), Liang lost his father in his youth. “Though his family was poor, he upheld integrity and read extensively. The young man was well-versed in all fields of learning.
However, despite his literary talent and profound knowledge, Liang Hong had no interest in writing books or setting up his own theories. After completing his studies at the Imperial Academy, he started to tend pigs at the Shanglin Garden, the imperial hunting park. During this period, he once failed to put a fire under control. The fire spread to a neighboring house and caused damage. Liang Hong paid a visit to the affected household and offered all his pigs as compensation. The family head thought that it was insufficient, to which Liang Hong replied, “I own almost nothing, but I can work for you with my own labor to make up the loss.” Liang Hong then worked diligently from dawn till dusk, engaging himself in all kinds of chores and never slacking off. Deeply impressed, the man regarded him as an exceptional talent and willingly gave all the pigs back to him. Yet Liang Hong firmly declined and returned to his hometown.
Losing his father at a young age, Liang Hong grew up in poverty and took on humble work that could hardly be described as “decent.” Possessing neither luxurious carriages nor fine houses, Liang was a typical example of “an unaccomplished youth.” However, his diligence, integrity, honesty, and a strong sense of responsibility earned him deep respect from his fellow villagers. Many wealthy families sought him as a son-in-law, but Liang Hong turned down their offers gently and chose not to get married.
Meng Guang: a woman unmarried beyond the customary age
In the same county as Liang Hong lived the Meng family, whose daughter was described as “stout, plain-featured, and dark-skinned, yet strong enough to lift a stone mortar.” Her robust build, coarse features, and a swarthy complexion made her a woman who was indeed ugly in terms of appearance. Moreover, Meng Guang had remarkable physical strength, so much so that the task of lifting a heavy stone mortar could be a piece of cake to her.
Meng Guang was exceedingly particular in choosing a husband. She made up her mind to marry only the right person. As a result, by the age of thirty she remained unmarried and was referred to as a “a spinster.” Her parents grew rather anxious and concerned. They asked her what kind of man she intended to marry. Meng replied plainly, “I wish to marry someone of a virtuous character, someone like Liang Boluan.” When Liang Hong heard of this, he promptly sent betrothal gifts to the Mengs and took their daughter as his wife.
Before the wedding, while preparing her dowry, the future bride chose just those simple, everyday items, namely garments of common cloth, hemp sandals, and tools for farming and weaving. On her wedding day, however, she adorned herself in fine attire and wore cosmetics as she entered the Liang’s house. Unexpectedly, for seven days after the marriage, Liang Hong did not speak a word to his newly wed wife. This tense silence puzzled Meng. She felt hurt by his coldness when she was quite warm to him. Finally, she asked for an explanation. Liang Hong replied that the wife he sought after was one who wore coarse clothes, who could endure hardships, and who would join him in retreat to a life in the mountains, rather than someone who dressed in finery with a painted face. Miss Meng then explained that she had dressed so elegantly only to test his true preferences and aspirations. In fact, she had long prepared the humble garments and tools needed for a reclusive life. She promptly changed into plain clothes, took up the tools of labor, and began managing the housework. Overjoyed, Liang Hong gave his wife the name Meng Guang, with the courtesy name De Yao which meant “Radiance of Virtue,” in praise of her fine character. Thus, two noble souls, sharing the same interests and values, were truly united.
Soon after their marriage, Liang Hong and Meng Guang retreated to the Baling Mountain (present-day Bashan Mountain in the eastern part of Xi’an, Shaanxi Province) to live. The husband tilled the fields while the wife wove cloth. When their work was done, Liang would read books while Meng would play the Chinese zither. Their life was humble yet rich in simple pleasures. It seemed they would continue this peaceful existence undisturbed. Yet Liang Hong, after all, was an upright scholar and concerned with political affairs. He was unwilling to remain silent in the face of governance injustice. Therefore, when noticing the extravagance of imperial palaces and the sufferings of the common people, Liang composed the poem “Song of Five Sighs,” to express his dismay and lament. The court interpreted the poem as a criticism and attack on the imperial authority, and thus issued an order for Liang Hong’s arrest.
Forced to flee, Liang Hong and his wife began a life on the run. Liang even changed his name. Together with his wife and children, the man first sought refuge in the Qi-Lu area (present-day Shandong Province). Later, they traveled further south to the land of Wu (present-day Suzhou), a place farther away from the imperial court.
When first arriving in Suzhou, Liang Hong and his wife found temporary shelter in the residence of a wealthy local man named Gao Botong. To support his family, Liang Hong worked as a hired hand engaged in pounding rice. Each day when he returned from work, Meng Guang would prepare a tray of food and, holding it level with her eyebrows, respectfully present it to the husband. Liang Hong, in turn, would receive it with both hands, a gesture of courtesy expressing equal respect. The couple treated each other with deep affection and mutual respect. The account of their harmonious relationship has become a celebrated tale about marital devotion. This is the origin of the Chinese idiom “Ju An Qi Mei” (“holding the tray up to the level with the eyebrows when the wife serves the meal”).
Gao Botong noticed and was impressed by the practice of “holding the tray up to the level with the eyebrows” between Liang Hong and his wife. Convinced that Liang must be a man possessing exceptional qualities, Gao invited the couple to live in his own home and extended his care to them. Later, Liang Hong devoted himself to writing behind closed doors. His efforts resulted in over ten works. After his death, Gao Botong and his friends arranged for Liang to be buried beside the righteous scholar Yao Li from the State of Wu during the Spring and Autumn period (located at Hongshan Hill in Wuxi), a man similarly celebrated for his noble integrity. Meng Guang then returned to her hometown in Fufeng. Gao Botong has been remembered for recognizing and cherishing the talent and character of Liang Hong and Meng Guang. Like the Liang couple, he too has been honored in history. To this day, a bridge near Gao’s family home has been called the “Gaoqiao Bridge” since the Eastern Han Dynasty.
